Just for us, no one else
by halfwhisper
Summary: post-3x17. "his heart wasn't hers to ruin." one-shot, dan/blair. read & review!


**you've got the love i need to see me through.**

au, post 3x17. "his heart wasn't hers to ruin." one-shot, dan/blair.

read & review!

* * *

She watched him slink away – blond on his arm, familiar smirk on his face – and managed an expression of mild amusement. She could fake an affected, self-satisfied smile just like he could – and he _was_ faking, she knew. She knew in the way it didn't reach his cold, sorrowful eyes, in the way her lack of interest made him turn his face to the ground. Blair knew Chuck like she knew herself, partially because he would always be hers, no matter who passed through his life, but mostly because the two of them were the same.

She faked cheerfulness the rest of the party, laughed in a way that was almost sincere, and entirely painful, but the ruse was tiring. When the party was so fully in swing, no one would notice, she slipped away, had to be alone. He'd made a fool of her, again, but that was something she was used to. Beneath that was the sting of having made a fool of herself. She'd gone to Jack willingly _twice_, and no matter her intentions this time, it'd been wrong. Functional relationships didn't have what her and Chuck had had.

Blair ended up in the bathroom, slumped against the toilet bowl, daring herself to do something she hadn't in so long. There wasn't anyone around to see her fall, not even a single person who'd noticed her slip away. Had they even noticed she was breaking? She finally made her decision, saying it was for nostalgia's sake when really, it was all a matter of weakness.

Blair leaned in over the toilet, closed her eyes – a few tears dropping in the bowl as prelude. And then, as she lifted a shaky finger to her mouth, the door swung open. She'd locked that, she almost distinctly remembered. But she was too late to stop herself, and when she wiped her mouth hurriedly, turned around to see the intruder, she found herself looking up at the troubled face of Dan Humphrey.

"Blair…" He started, but she sprinted past him, covering her face in shame.

* * *

Dan Humphrey wasn't sure how things worked in the Upper East Side. He knew that lavish parties with elaborately thought-up names were thrown at least once a week, for no reason. He knew there were things like 'benefits', that he always had to attend in a suit, though he certainly never knew who he was benefiting by going. He knew that being popular seemed like the bane of every high school girl's existence and that the whole load of politics involved were complicated, confusing and really, had nothing to do with him. He knew the lifestyle had changed his little sister – once wide-eyed and sweet-faced, now she wore more makeup than some of the models in magazines. He knew Upper East Side life had forced an amazing – and _sexy_, he couldn't forget - teacher to exact revenge on a student.

Most importantly, he knew Blair Waldorf stood at the crux of it all. He knew that she, above all others, held loose Upper East Side ethics close to her heart. And he knew that they always found each other this way - her weak and fallen, and him ready to pick her back up. When she ran, there was no thought behind it. He chased.

He watched her race for the elevator, watched her push the buttons frantically. But he was fast and his arm caught the door before it slid shut. He pushed his way in and they looked at each other, neither knowing what to say.

Finally, she broke the silence. "What, Humphrey?" She crossed her arms.

"Uh..I…" He stammered, searching for the right word. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," She promised, "Peachy. I just need to be alone."

"You're not…uh…fat, you -" He tried to say, but she stopped him before he could finish, her tone clipped.

"I never said I was."

"Then why…would you do that?" He wondered, "You're beautiful." He had said it to be kind but once the words came out, he realized it was true. Doe-eyes, brown hair that fell on her shoulders like silk, an appearance so obviously calculated, but incredibly worth it.

"Control?" She shrugged, her words so bitingly honest that he felt like she'd revealed too much. "It's better than feeling sorry for myself."

"I don't think that's better, Blair," He could see the tears welling in her eyes and the sight was unbearable. "Please, don't…don't cry." He pulled her close to him, allowed her to rest her face in his chest, let her tears spill out and stain his shirt.

* * *

She'd been here before – weak, vulnerable, right after a break up. She'd ended up losing herself in someone else, letting herself be comforted by desperate hands and hurried kisses. She looked up into Dan's eyes, this moment an exact imitation of a previous one, sans the limo gliding through Manhattan.

_Are you sure?_ Those words had haunted her. Had she been sure? Had she wanted that from Chuck so many years ago? No. She'd wanted something to fill the empty space that Nate had torn into her heart, and Chuck had been more than willing to do so. Dan was different, she knew, and that was what appealed to her. He didn't believe in games, and if Chuck's evil had brought out her own, surely Dan's goodness would show her what lay beneath the ugly.

She kissed him. Blair Waldorf kissed Daniel Humphrey and for a minute, his lips were unresponsive beneath hers, caught by surprise. But then, he was holding her closer, kissing her fervently, and gripping her by the waist with urgency. It was a feeling he hadn't expected to enjoy, a feeling he hadn't thought he'd ever experience – a feeling he'd only just realized he wanted.

Hadn't this always been there? He'd seen her insecure, broken, and he'd always been there to lift her up, even give her advice. And Serena had reminded him when he'd forgotten, she was human. She played games but beneath that, she wanted to be happy and make someone happy. He found himself wanting to be that person, but he didn't want it this way. If not for her pain, they wouldn't be kissing in his elevator and these weren't the circumstances he wanted to bring them together.

Dan pressed her against the elevator wall, his hands exploring her waist, but the fire had extinguished. He kissed her harder, hoping the magic would come back – but it didn't. And here, he realized the possibility that someone would call the elevator, force them both into the open. Here, he realized that reality hadn't stopped to wait for them, that it could catch up.

* * *

When he pulled away, she almost expected it – he wasn't Chuck Bass. He wouldn't take advantage of her and besides that, his heart wasn't hers to ruin.

* * *

"Vanessa…." He reminded her, reminded himself. She nodded, pressed 'Door Open'.

"I know." Then, she was gone.


End file.
